It’s more accurate to attribute this kind of behavior to cluelessness rather than malice, with also makes it easier on you.
So let’s go through some scenarios to make sense of this and maybe give you some tools for handling it in the future. There are forces that strengthen the bond between two people, and forces that weaken it. Now remember that in the beginning of any relationship — what we call “dating” — the bond is fragile at best, and nonexistent at worst. Early on, people will eliminate a perfectly decent human from contention as Mr or Ms Right based on the most trivial and even spurious data that has little bearing on how well they’ll get along as a couple. In the course of your brief courtship with someone, there’s always a chance that weird shit could happen.
For example, seeing a lot of each other generally strengthens the bond. Kissing and sex create bonding, since you’re producing bonding chemicals like oxytocin, which is why they’re called bonding chemicals. If the net forces bonding a couple are greater than those separating them, they tend to stay together. Two strangers are gambling on each other, hoping something may come of it. I’m sorry, what do you mean you don’t like the Grateful Dead, or hip-hop, or sushi, or my sportsball team, or coffee, or tattoos? And with the length of courtship going from months (see: Emma by Jane Austen), to days (see: 20 their due is only getting worse. As a result, the stress levels of your paramour go through the roof, and your budding romance goes from Priority #1 to #73, right between “start watercolor lessons” and “re-string ukelele.” Here, let me share a story with you: some time ago, over the course of one week I had two first dates that I thought went reasonably well, concluding in semi-torrid makeout sessions.
Heck, I’m probably losing interest in someone right now, completely unbeknownst to myself but setting the mind of the poor lass on fire, and not necessarily in a good way.
One saving grace is that most people, male or female, usually aren’t doing this stuff deliberately.
How do you get a guy to treat you like priority instead of an option?
There he was, totally interested, looking dapper in his buffalo skin while nonchalantly swinging his club at the cave entrance, offering you some freshly killed mastodon meat. What, if anything, could you have done differently?So if I’m interested in just a fling and she’s making Scarlett O’Hara eyes at me, then I don’t feel like it’s right for me to lead her on. That’s why the word chase is so often preceded by thrill of the.Also, after you’ve pined for so long for a woman, any woman to like you, having one pop up who actually does can be a terrifying experience. Why should he be thrilled about your taking away his thrill?Why waste time when a better match is around the corner? In every interaction, whether on phone, online or in person, keep in mind, “There’s a real human being on the other end, and a small but nonzero chance this guy/girl could be my future ex-spouse.” So be nice now, and pay attention. If you were to remember one of the Four Agreements from Don Miguel Ruiz’s Toltec wisdom, let it be #2: don’t take anything personally.Therefore, in the early stages of courtship, people in this age of electronic dating are in Merciless Elimination Mode. With that out of the way, let’s talk about why guys go poof. Even if it is about you, thinking that it’s not about you keeps you saner in the long run. He’s bored, and he finds your company marginally more interesting than a night of Archer reruns.But somehow, for some bizarre, primal reason, once they started chasing me I just couldn’t be interested anymore.