Towards the end of this stage, and hopefully at other times throughout it, it is not unusual for questions of “is this the right person for me” to emerge.
For women especially there may also be a desire to figure out where the relationship is headed.
Each person needs to listen to their own inner voice and wisdom.
It is important to talk over their thoughts and feelings with their partner while finding ways to keep from “pushing” for commitment.
As intimacy develops between the two people, more self-disclosure emerges, both verbally and nonverbally as couples act in ways that are more like how they are in their daily life.
This is when the big question emerges even more strongly: “Where are we headed?
There is no need to rush through this important stage and every reason to go slowly.
Stage 4: Commitment or Engagement At this stage in a relationship, couples should have a good understanding of their partner’s values, life style, and goals for the future.
Often (not always) there is not enough “is this the right person for me” but rather more “what can I do to make this person like me?
” This stage may last for 3 or 4 months depending on the individuals and their maturity, experience and self-understanding.
When sex addicts are in early recovery, their wives (if they have chosen to stay in the marriage) live in fear. Your wife learned early on that she “didn’t cause it, can’t change it, and can’t control it.” So where’s the balance? Does that mean you can’t focus on your marriage at the same time? I’ve seen it happen enough to know it is possible, even in the direst of circumstances.
Fear that you may lose your job because of a slip at work. But you are supposed to be in control of your recovery, right? Related: Life After Porn–5 Things My Husband Did to Rebuild Trust But if you can get rid of those toxic ideas, and recognize you are stronger than some may want you to think you are, your marriage can survive and even thrive!
This is also an important stage for couples to use to evaluate the relationship and their ability to be part of an emotionally intelligent relationship.